Most people who blog are inspirational people. People who can encourage others through their writing and are knowledgable in the art of writing. I am neither. Yet, I have always enjoyed writing. Once, I imagined myself as a writer. I even started writing a story when I was a teenager. Only to give it up and throw my notes away.
So, if I stink at writing, why do I do so? I always have been able to communicate better in writing than in speaking. Because of that reason I do not do well with public speaking, even tried to teach a 3rd grade sunday school class and was so nervous, even imaging the class naked did not work. I just wanted to run away and hide forever. One of them being my own daughter at the time. I couldn't continue to the next year even with a assistant.
I learned today that my own daughter has been blogging as well. I read her posts and was confused but yet I learned better where her heart is at. She could write, she could be one of those who can inspire others in her non-bias outlook into the world. I have always admired that in her. God created a person who likes everyone. Doesn't notice the appearance of the person (although she does have a good eye for some guys) or even their orientation. She looks at everyone as her friend and when they betray her, she is hurt deeply. She is shocked, doesn't see it coming and is damaged. There is a situation that even today she still hurts from and doesn't want to confront one of the parties to tell them "look, you hurt me and I just can't deal with you right now so leave me be". It's not something she can easily do.
As I read her blogs, I realized that I knew her better than I thought I did. Not to go into detail because although this is my blog, it isn't private, I was surprised that what I felt the whole time was the truth.
Also, I have learned that she is a lot like me. I can remember when I was her age and although I couldn't have the one I wanted, I looked to the wrong people for that replacement. It didn't work. It brought me pain and a broken marriage. To this day and now that my ex-husband is deceased, I still don't have the closure I need.
I am on depression medication now. I don't think it's helping in the anxiety area of my life and of course sleep is non-existent except during the day or weekend when I can hide away from the world. I am not suicidal so don't get concerned but I am battling just every day existence. Why am I still around? I want to be, but heaven would be really nice right now. Like the song says: "I am not unhappy but I would leave on the train today"
So, I am the reason why one should not blog. Yet getting my emotions out in the open is a good release. I rely on my faith more than the Celexa the doctor has me on and I look forward to a happy, good day again.
2 comments:
(((Donna))) There are many reasons to blog, not just inspirational. I like bloggers who are real. It let's folks know they are not along in their feelings. Life is not all sunshine and tame ponies. There are storms and wild horses that will trample you and leave you reeling.
Thank you, Brenda.
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