Golden years?? What the heck is that? I guess I am not one of those who will experience her 'golden years'. Maybe my golden years have been already experienced. I loved my 30's. I was healthy, happy and in love. I worked out almost every day and I was enjoying my little one whom we waited and prayed for for more than 7 years.
Today was a nightmare for me. I found myself trying to understand in Quizno's sandwich shop HOW can only two people almost spend 20 dollars on lunch and one had a COMBO meal? I still don't understand how it was and felt helpless and OLD trying to understand the young man behind the counter with a line of people waiting behind me and probably under their breath cursing me out. We had stopped before we went to lunch to see the horse, Rosey and her baby Fresca. I handed over the 180.00 in cash in hopes that maybe this month the money will be used like a lease and not just boarding a horse. E has not been able to ride this horse since middle of June right before she gave her surprise birth. So maybe later this week Rosey will be moved back to the barn and Elena can ride or just care for her before school starts back in less than 2 weeks. Of course I come home to hear that school was about to start and she would not be able to ride like the summer time and how much time we have lost. I can't help it that our daughter is just determined to ONLY ride her or Sebastian who isn't at that barn any more. So, at home Elena's computer speakers finally go out. We have been hearing the warning sounds that they were about to go out for a while but ignored it. We have an older PC that never is used because a nice trojan has attacked it and there is no hope for it now. The speakers still work. Well, after trying to recall where this plug goes and and all and arguing with my strong willed daughter who wants to do things when I am trying to keep my mind straight and understand where things go without the distractions. THEN Jim comes home. He has had a hard day. Very tired and irritable. I have all these things every where and was doing OK then I had to find a tool. We finally get all hooked up and E now has a larger monitor and great sounding speakers. BECAUSE the speakers would not work with the monitor she had. It's OK. All is good.
I make dinner the sauce for the chicken is not good. I use a new recipe from weight watchers. That's OK. I am not upset about that. THEN all of a sudden Jim remembers a DVD we may have left at the beach. I immediately feel helpless. Again I am reminded I can not remember like I used to. Again I am reminded how I am just beat down. Elena is going to spend the night with a friend tomorrow night then they are going to NC for the day on Wed. I was told that *I* needed to find out all she needed to take with her. OK.. WHEN is your child old enough to remember or ask these things for HERSELF?! And WHEN will her Father let her be.
I am being selfish, I know. I think I am just experiencing the after-shocks of the trauma I just went through concerning my husband. Maybe it is a blessing that school is starting back soon.
2 comments:
If Elena's in high school, she has to manage her social life. In fact, at this point, she has to take more responsibility for her academic life too.
Hope your luck gets better.
We all have those days, and it's frustrating for sure to be the go-to girl for the entire family. Who do we get to "go to" when things go wrong? Sometimes prayer can help, but it also helps to have a friend who can tell you that it's okay. Things will get better. You'll see!
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